Auntie Chaos and the Sixth Golden Ticket
by Chaos Valkyrie
Summary: Chaos, Marik and Bakura are back with more mischief in a story with an actual Plot! And feel sorry for Wonka, its going to cost him a fortune in therapy... Mainly YuGiOh x CatCF
1. Ha ha ha No Way in Hell

**Auntie Chaos and the Sixth Golden Ticket**  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** August 29, 2005  
**Posted Chapter 01:** January 27, 2006  
**Posted Revisions:** August 1, 2006 

**Chaos Val:** Welcome! Let me shake your hand vigorously! Someone had some actual Villain's Guide plotlines that she wanted to write, and hence decided to start a whole separate series. (sweatdrops) I had thought to work them in to TVG, but I didn't want to detract from the Lessons… So, anywho, here we go!

**

* * *

Chapter One: Ha ha ha… No Way in Hell **

* * *

Chaos Val sat on the Big Comfy Couch of Evil, quietly reading the newest issue of Nemesis Quarterly. The yamis, Marik and Bakura, are lying on the floor, flipping channels on the Villain's Monitor. 

"Just give me the remote, Marik," Bakura snarled. "I wanna see what that baka pharaoh is up to!"

Marik continues flipping channels. "I'll find it, I'll find it," he said, rolling his eyes. "Just give me time…" The station changes to the Chaos Land Evening News, just in time for the room to hear the announcer say…

"And that's it! The Fifth Golden Ticket has been found right here just outside the gates to the factory…"

"NNNNOOOO!" Marik jumped to his feet and ran up to the Monitor. He began shaking it vigorously. "LIAR!"

Chaos rolled her eyes and grabbed the remote, switching the set off. "Could you knock that off? Do you know how much those things cost? The contest is finished, get over it and leave my Monitor alone."

Bakura pries the now sniffling Marik off of the television. "Baka Tomb Keeper. We could just steal the ticket. What could possibly go wrong?"

Marik sniffled. "That's what you said when we tried to ransom that guy for the box of Wonka bars, remember?"

Bakura sweatdropped. "Well, how was I to know that lady would choose the chocolate over her husband? Anyway, stealing the ticket should work flawlessly!"

"Really?" Marik asked, giving Bakura hopeful Puppy Dog Eyes.

Both Chaos Val and Bakura panicked together. "STOP THAT AT ONCE! You'll get us in trouble!"

"Too late." Mokuba smirked as he entered the room. "That's my trademark," he told Marik before handing him a think stack of legal documents. Marik gulped nervously before reading out loud…

"'Any use of the Puppy Dog Eyes™ will result in a tremendous lawsuit which will take all your assets – hikaris, Millennium Items, and souls included.'" He whistled. "Damn."

Mokuba's smirk widened. "Pays to be Seto's little brother."

Chaos decided to change the subject. "So anyway, I guess you've heard the news," she said, gesturing to her Monitor.

Mokuba's shoulders fell in dejection. "Yeah, Nii-sama couldn't get his computer to tell him where the last ticket was…"

* * *

In a secret room somewhere in a not-very-remote Domino Mansion… 

"Talk damn you!" Seto snarled, slamming his fist against the console.

The computer whirred. "Nu-huh, hun. Crashing a satellite was one thing… but what would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"

"GAHHHH!"

* * *

Chaos shook her head, smirking. "Oh really? Poor Seto…" 

Marik snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet. Anywho," and now he addressed Bakura, "let's go plot our theft of the last ticket!"

Bakura nodded. "Fine by me." The two Millennium spirits left the room.

Mokuba shook his head, watching them leave. "Whatever. Chaos, have you got any candy?" he asked cutely, his eyes widening and his lip starting to pout…

Chaos quickly pulled a pair of sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on. "Don't even try it, kid. I'm on to your ways," she said, tapping the glasses. "These puppies are PDE-Resistant."

Mokuba switched tactics and went for pure pout.

Chaos Val winced, sighing. She turned to her bookcase and tapped spines until she found one that sounded hollow. "Here," she said, opening the book and tossing a lollipop to Mokuba.

Mokuba cheered. He managed to mumble a thank you as he frantically unwrapped the candy and stuck it in his mouth. He then looked at Chaos curiously as she picked through the book's contents for her own treat. "Why is your stash in a book?"

Chaos snorted. "Do Marik or Bakura look like they actually read very often?" she retorted, finally choosing a Wonka Dark Sizzler Deluxe.

"Point taken," Mokuba conceded.

Chaos chuckled as she unwrapped the candy bar. "Exactly. They're not exactly rocket… scientists…" she trailed off, staring at the chocolate in her hand.

Mokuba giggled. "Really." His eyes then caught the flash of gold as she raised her hand in disbelief. "Hey! Is that… It can't be…" he trailed off, eyes widening.

Chaos Val held up the Golden Ticket with shaking fingers. "Oh, no way in hell. It can't be real…" She grabbed the phone with her free hand and dialed the secret Wonka Factory hotline.

"Wonka's Chocolate Factory, Doris speaking," as voice answered in Oompa-Loompan.

Chaos cleared her throat. "Um, yes," she began, also speaking Oompa-Loompan. "I just found a Golden Ticket in my candy bar… but the other five have already been found!"

Chaos could almost hear the female Oompa-Loompa sweatdrop. "Um, that shouldn't be right. Read it off to me."

Chaos read the Ticket off to the secretary, and was answered by a somewhat frazzled silence.

"Well, that seems to be in order. Let me put you on hold for a moment, please." The phone clicked, then began to play some disco-influenced Oompa-Loompan Elevator Music.

"I didn't know you spoke Oompa-Loompan!" Mokuba whispered.

Chaos snorted. "I'm quite fluent in many languages: Squirrel, Mummy, Oompa-Loompan, Gobbledygook…" she trails off as the phone clicks at her. "Oh, she's back," she told Mokuba. "So, what's the verdict?"

Doris sighed. "Apparently someone was having a flashback at the time and put one too many tickets in the candy. It was a mistake on our part, so you may join the other contestants tomorrow at the factory gates. Goodbye," she finished, and line went dead.

Chaos replied "Thanks!" anyway and hung up the phone. "Now…"

She was interrupted by the door as it was flung open and Bakura and Marik piled into the room.

"Sixth Golden Ticket?" they cried in unison. Both Mokuba and Chaos gave them confused looks.

"How did you know?" Mokuba asked. Bakura rolled his eyes, while Marik gave them his patented 'pathetic-mortals' smirk.

"Duh. Like any good miscreant, we listened at the door," Bakura told them, as if the answer should be obvious.

Chaos rolled her own eyes. "Oh. Well, now that it's legal, I have to decide who to take."

Marik chose this opportunity to point out the obvious. "Um, when has legality stopped you before?"

Bakura, however, was ignorant of all except one thing… "Take me, me!" he cried, waving his hands over his head. Marik chuckled while Chaos sweatdropped.

"I have to take a kid."

Bakura kept bouncing. "I am a kid!"

"Mentally, perhaps," Chaos conceded. "But how old are you really again, adding on all those years you spent trapped in the Ring?"

Bakura stopped bouncing long enough to work out his answer. "Um… 3016?"

Marik smirked. "Baka Tomb Robber. She's going to take me!"

Chaos shook her head. "Whatever. No one even knows how old you are."

Marik sweatdropped. "Perhaps…"

Mokuba had had enough. "Oh Chaos…" he pouted, giving her his best Puppy Dog Eyes.

Chaos merely tapped her sunglasses, which were firmly in place. "Won't work, kiddo. Besides, I had already decided to take you anyway."

"YAY!" Mokuba exclaimed, dancing about the room. Marik and Bakura looked at Chaos in horror, as if she had just declared that she was rejoining the Light Side of the Force.

**"**Say what!" they asked in unison. Chaos gave them a withering glance.

"Please, you can't expect me to take you guys! Remember what happened when Bakura won the 881st Aztec Medallion?"

_

* * *

Flashback… _

Chaos, Marik and Bakura are dancing around with the pirates, drinking rum… er, the world's finest… something juice… in the treasure cave on Skull Island.

"This is a rockin' pirate party!" Chaos tells her companions.

"Yeah!" Marik agrees.

Captain Barbossa stands up, waving his hands for his crew's attention.

"Now we'll spill the blood of the newcomers and be that much closer ter liftin' the Curse!" The pirates cheer about him as the Trio stops. The pirates turn as one towards them.

Chaos looks at Marik in shock. "Say what?" They both turn towards Bakura.

"Heh, heh. Whoops?" He shrugs apologetically.

Marik whips out the Millennium Rod and tries mind control. "Um… you are all getting very sleepy…"

Chaos, meanwhile, is pondering. "Hm…"

"Argh!" the pirates cry, closing in.

"Hm…" Still pondering. Just then, a Random Passing Lightbulb walks by and kicks Chaos in the shin.

"Ow! Oo, Bingo!" she cries, turning to the pirates. "Parley!"

The pirates stop, sweatdropping. "Aw shit."

_End Flashback…_

* * *

Chaos finishes relating the story. "You're just damned lucky I was able to kidnap that Will Turner guy and get us out of there." 

Marik snorts at her claim. "We still almost died!"

Chaos shrugs helplessly. "Well, he was cute! You didn't think I'd hand him over that easily, did you?"

Bakura tried begging. "Anyway, that's all in the past! What about now!"

Chaos shrugged. "No dice. I'm taking Mokuba."

Meanwhile, Mokuba had been reading the legal jargon scrawled on the back of the ticket. "But it says here I have to take a legal guardian…"

"Which is why I'll take him," Seto replies, entering Chaos' domain hesitantly.

"Seto!" Chaos cries, glomping the tall CEO.

Seto flinches. "Get off me."

This of course causes Chaos to only tighten her hold. "Nope. Besides, it's my Ticket. I'm going, period, end of story."

Seto struggles against her death grip. "And I'm not letting my brother go anywhere alone with you," he grunts as he finally pries himself free.

Chaos rolls her eyes. "Oh please. We won't be alone… there'll be other contestants too!"

Seto shakes his head, folding his arms across his chest stubbornly. "No."

"Besides, _he's_ not the Kaiba that has to worry about being alone together with me…" She winks.

"Chaos," Seto begins, "No one, ever, in any state of mind, would be alone together with you. Still no." Watching the stalemate, Mokuba resorted to what he does best.

"Please, Nii-sama?" he begs, PDE out in full force.

See Seto. See Seto cave. "Damn it. Well, what're we going to do then?"

Chaos thinks hard. "Hm… You _could _marry me…"

Everyone just looks at her. "Do what!"

Chaos smiles, lifting her finger in the air. "That technically would make me a legal guardian…" She bats her eyelashes at Seto. "Honeymoon, here I come!"

Seto shudders. "Sorry, Mokuba, but I don't love you that much."

Mokuba sulks, and Seto sighs in resignation.

"How about I write a contract to make her your guardian for _one_ day…" the elder Kaiba suggests unwillingly. Mokuba instantly perks up.

"YAY! Thanks Nii-sama!" he cries, dancing about the room once again.

Chaos smiles. "That's settled then! Onwards to the Chocolate Factory!"

**

* * *

Chaos Val:** And that's the first chapter. I was going to use one of my nieces or nephews, but Mokuba used the Puppy Dog Eyes on me when I didn't have my sunglasses on. Anywho, I own Story-Me, the Trademarked PDE-Resistant Sunglasses, and the Dark Sizzler Deluxe idea. And probably some other things, but I do NOT own Willy Wonka, his factory, Doris, Pirates of the Caribbean, or anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh! Satisfied? 


	2. Fiery Fire I Love the Most

**Auntie Chaos and the Sixth Golden Ticket**  
**Author:** Chaos Valkyrie  
**First Conceptualized:** August 29, 2005  
**Posted Chapter 02:** March 17, 2006  
**Posted Revisions:** August 1, 2006

**Chaos Val:** Yeah, I'm back! Finally...

* * *

**Chapter Two: Fiery Fire I Love the Most**

* * *

It is now the next morning, and Chaos, Mokuba, and Seto have joined the other children and their parents outside the factory gates… 

A glowering Seto Kaiba shoves a thick stack of papers and a pen into Chaos Val's hands. "Here's your contract. If he comes back with even a scratch…"

Chaos rolls her eyes. "All right, Mr. Overprotective. Let's see…" She reads through the contract. "Yada yada yada… 'Retains all rights and privileges as legal guardian until such time as the party in question leaves the factory grounds.' Yup, expected that." Pauses as she skims ahead. "'Whomever shall cause any harm to the younger Kaiba in question on this date shall be slapped with a lawsuit of epic proportions, resulting in loss of all total physical, mental, and spiritual assets.'" She coughs nervously. "Yup, expected that too," she mutters as she signs the little dotted line.

Seto takes the contract and shoves it into his briefcase. "That's that then. Mokuba, keep your eyes open."

Mokuba waves to his big brother. "'Kay Nii-sama."

"Don't worry! I'll take care of him!" Chaos declares proudly.

Seto rolls his eyes. "You're the one I'm afraid of," he says before stalking off.

"Sheesh. And I thought the weather was cold. You ready, squirt?" Chaos asked, turning to Mokuba. Mokuba gives her the Puppy Dog Eyes of Death in return.

"Never call me that again."

"Ha! I'll call you what I want." She taps her sunglasses. "Your evil ways are no match for me! …Right now, anyway," she admits reluctantly.

* * *

_Meanwhile, nearby…_

Marik stood staring through the barred gates towards the factory. "You sure we're going to be able to sneak in there?" he asks his partner in crime.

Bakura snorts. "Give me some credit. I was sneaking into tombs more heavily tricked out than this place before you were even born! Whenever that was…"

Marik sweatdrops.

* * *

_Back to the Sweet Little Children… Or not._

"Daddy, I want to go in," Veruca whines.

"Its 9:59, sweetheart," Mr. Salt consoles her, all the while wishing for some migraine medication.

"Make time go faster…" Veruca manages to say before… "Ow!" She glares at Chaos while rubbing the back of her head. Chaos merely whistles innocently. Mokuba rolls his eyes.

"You shouldn't bother… no one's falling for it," he tells her. Chaos shrugs.

"True…" she replies, then gives her patented Evil Grin #7895. Veruca gulps, and even Mokuba looks alarmed.

"Or maybe you should just whistle after all…" he starts to tell her before he's interrupted by the gates creaking open. A strange voice comes over the speakers…

"Please enter!" it commands. The Six Ticket Holders and Guardians rush forward through the gates, while the guards behind them struggle to keep the masses in check.

"This is it kiddo!" Chaos cries, taking Mokuba's hand and walking forward with others. The gates slowly shut behind them as the voice commands them once again…

"Come closer!"

* * *

_Back at the now closed gates…_

Seto grips the bars tightly, his knuckles shining whitely against the black iron.

"He had better be okay in there…" he mutters as he watches the doors open and curtains pull back. The sight of the Willy Wonka Singing Puppet Troop causes him to sweatdrop. "Oh. My. Kami."

Then, to make matters worse, the puppets began to sing.

"Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier! Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer – Hooray! He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it. With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain, to contain, to contain…" Seto watches in horror as the puppets dance for a bit and an empty chair arises from the floor. "Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's a genius who just can't be beat. The magician and the chocolate wiz. The best darn guy who ever lived. Willy Wonka, here he is!" The puppets then catch on fire as the fireworks flare out of control.

Seto merely watches in wide-eyed horror, while nearby…

"Yay Destruction!" Bakura and Marik clap, cheer and whistle.

* * *

_Back to the children…_

"Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale... Wow!" Willy Wonka gushes, clapping enthusiastically next to the children and their P… P… Guardians. While the others watch him strangely, Mokuba and Chaos are clapping as well.

"Did you see that one puppet's eye pop out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chaos giggles madly. Mokuba had a different appreciation.

"Go Fire! Thanks for ending that stupid song! Creepy puppets…" he shudders. Wonka gives them both sour looks. Mokuba shrugs.

"What? You stole that whole idea right from Shrek – can we say, 'copyright infringement', boys and girls!" Mokuba retorts. Wonka coughs violently, then runs up the steps and excitedly faces the six children and p-p-parents.

"Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!" he greets them nervously. Mokuba snorts.

"No it doesn't. Auntie Chaos?" he asks.

"Oo, oo!" Chaos cries, waving her hands, "I speak Rock!" She pauses and listens very carefully. "The earth distinctly says 'Quit standing on me, you are one heavy fat ass!'," she sweatdrops, then turns to Augustus, "Um, Fat Boy, I think it's talking to you…" Mrs. Gloop glares at Chaos with the Generic Evil Glare of Death. Chaos guffaws.

"Oo, scary. Let me show you how it's really done…" she started before Mokuba grabs her arm pleadingly.

"Save it for later. Please?" he asks, throwing in a pout for good measure.

"Damn it," Chaos swears as she caves in, "Now I have to make these sunglasses Pout-proof as well as PDE proof."

"Ahem!" Violet coughs pointedly, irritated by the delay in delivering her lines. "Who are you?" she asks Wonka.

"Who the hell do you think he is? Sergeant Pepper?" Chaos snorts.

"No, that's Willy Wonka!" Grandpa Joe exclaims joyfully. Willy smiles nervously as he pulls out his notes. Chaos and Mokuba shudder.

"Not cue cards… Anything but cue cards…" Chaos moans. Mokuba turns on the PDE.

"Mr. Wonka, can we please go inside? It's cold out here!" A pouty lip is added for clout purposes. Wonka merely taps his goggles and grins, entirely unmoved.

"Nope. Gotta finish my cards first," he says with a smirk. Chaos stares in unabashed awe.

"That's it, I'm stealing those goggles first chance I get."

* * *

_Back at the gates…_

Seto Kaiba shakes off his horror with a grim frown.

"There is no way in hell I'm letting my brother go in there with all those freaks," he growls. He then notices Marik and Bakura standing nearby looking dodgy. "And where do you think you two are going?" Marik grins evilly.

"Baku here thinks he can sneak us in. Why, interested?"

Seto sighs. "Under normal circumstances, no." He pauses to watch the distant group enter the factory. "But desperate times…"

"Yeah yeah, whatever, no time for clichés. Let's go," Bakura interrupts, pulling out a grappling hook and throwing it at the gates.

* * *

_Inside the factory…_

"Just throw your coats anywhere!" Wonka tosses his own coat and goggles on the floor nearby. Chaos steals the goggles when no one is watching.

"Ha! Victory is mine!" she crows.

"You're weird," Willy tells her. She smiles, hiding the goggles behind her back and whistling innocently.

"You have no idea," Mokuba replies, shaking his head. Chaos starts to reach out to smack the back of his head, but Mokuba merely waves a photostatic copy of the contract in her face. "I don't think so!" Chaos slowly retracts her hand, cursing.

"Verdamnt."

Meanwhile, the other kids are buttering up Wonka… ew.

"Don't you want to know our names?" Augustus manages to pant around his candy bar. Wonka shrugs.

"I can't see how it would matter."

Violet hugs him anyway. "Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde." Willy looks terrified.

"Oh. I don't care."

Of course, Chaos is never one to let ruining a moment go to waste.

"Oo… cooties," she drawls, her eyes wide with horror.

Willy lets out a terrific shriek. "Where!"

The other children all look at Chaos, irritated. She shrugs in reply.

"What! Who knows what diseases you little maggots are crawling with?" she tells them. Veruca sticks her tongue out in reply before turning back to Wonka.

"I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir," she says while curtsying. Wonka grins.

"I always thought a veruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha, ha," he laughs while Veruca sneers.

Mokuba chortles. "Still is."

"Daddy!" Veruca commands, her eyes never leaving Mokuba.

"Yes, dear?"

"I want you to…" Veruca is interrupted by a smug Mokuba.

"Don't even think about it. I'm a Kaiba."

"I don't care…" Veruca starts again. Meanwhile, Chaos has been perusing her contract.

"Oh goody. I get legal permission to use that today too!" She gives Veruca Seto's Icy Glare of Death™. Naturally, this shuts her up.

"Um, never mind, Daddy."

"Welcome, children, to my factory and these people behind you must be your par... par... par..." Wonka trails off, stuttering frustratedly.

"Parents?" Mr. Salt supplies.

"Yeah! Moms and dads!" He drifts off. "Dad? Papa?" Most of the others watch him in confusion; however, Chaos and Mokuba are extremely peeved.

"I'm highly insulted by that remark!"

Wonka snaps out of his daze with a "Huh?"

Mokuba points at Chaos Val. "I refuse to be related to her!"

Chaos Val points at Mokuba. "And I am nowhere near old enough to have a kid his age!"

"Then why is he here with you?" Mike asks, his usual sneer fixed in place.

"Two reasons: One, show them Mokuba." Chaos looks away as Mokuba flashes the Puppy Dog Eyes, Level 3 Intensity at the rest of the group.

"Aww…" everyone gushes, minus Wonka.

"Ew."

"Exactly. And Two, I wanted the factory to still be standing by the time the tour was over. So…" she flips out contract and waves it, "Legally, I'm his 'Aunt' for the day."

Wonka shrugged. "Whatever. Let's hurry. So much time and so little to see!" He freezes. "Um…"

"Strike that!" Chaos crows.

"Reverse it!" Mokuba chimes in. The pair exchange high-fives while Wonka shakes his head.

"Weirdos."

* * *

**Chaos Val:** Well, that's it for now. Still don't own anything… Note? Anything? 

**Note:** Nope.

**Chaos Val:** Small note?

**Small Note:** The authoress would also like to state that she is well aware that certain lines from the movie are out of order – it is intentional for the sake of continuity and plot.

**Chaos Val:** Thanks. Until next time!


End file.
